Sometimes Ken packs.
When I first started dating my most recent girlfriend, she was shocked to learn that I never pack. I was shocked that she was shocked, because as far as I know, most of my trans male friends do not pack at all, or pack very infrequently. I recall, when I first figured out that I was trans, being very into the idea of packing. I packed everyday and felt uncomfortable if I didn’t. Then I got a job working at Vixen, making dildos, and got really fixated on making a dildo that was soft enough to pack and hard enough to fuck with. Like most of my hourly jobs though, my tenure was limited – I only worked there for about a year, and never saw it happen.
When I first started packing, it conjured a lost memory of when I was a little kid and I would meticulously roll up a sock and stick it in my underwear. I would only do this during the summer. I never dared wear a sock in my drawers during school, but I didn’t miss a day of it during summer. The summer was when I also would introduce myself to the new kids on my street as Peter, or George, only to have one of my established neighborhood friends tell them my “real name” and that I was in fact was a tomboy, not a “real boy.”
When I was 15 years old, I started dating a girl who was 18 and had already had sex with a dildo. She took me to my first sex toy shop so we could get one. We got stoned and hesitantly walked into Goodvibes. I remember it all through the lens of a hazy-eyed, scared teen: dicks everywhere, hanging from the ceiling, draped all over shelves and the over eager workers shaking flaccid dildos in our faces, trying to help us before both feet were in the door. I ran out of there before I had even really let my eyes focus. I felt terrified and embarrassed and pissed off. I was a Valerie Solanas quoting, rabid man hater. I did not want to strap on a phallus! I didn’t need a man, and neither did my girlfriend, so why did we need “man parts” to fuck. I was reactionary to say the least.
I bought my first dildo at the ripe age of 19, while dating a woman who was almost 9 years my senior. I told her I had had plenty of strap-on sex before. To this day I don’t think she knows I hadn’t, unless she reads this blog. The first time I fucked with it, I was hooked. It quickly became my favorite way to have sex , it made me feel like a man. About a year later I realized that medical transition was an option. At that point I was packing all the time and only wanted to have sex with a dildo. I felt emasculated when fucking with my hand. Once the hormones starting taking effect and I was passing all the time, my relationship to dicks starting really changing again.
About a year into my transition I no longer packed, nor did I want to fuck with a dick. It started making me feel like a “fake man.” I felt like if I were to accept myself as a man, then I had to come to terms with my body as it was. I began feeling emasculated every time I went to strap on. For a period of time I just didn’t even want to have sex at all. I didn’t want to think about what was in my pants. I didn’t want to think about how incomplete I felt. I didn’t want to be reminded of being a kid with a sock in my pants, where I felt my dick belonged. It was too painful.
Everything has changed again and again for me as I feel more and more comfortable in my own skin. I got over the feelings of incompleteness and finally feel at home in my own body. I actually feel fine referring to myself as a dickless straight man, like a ken doll. I love my body and have come to terms with it. I once again enjoy strap-on sex, as it makes me feel like more of a man. I prefer not to pack, as it makes me feel like less of a man.
Packing, for me, felt uncomfortable and awkward. Once, while I was on a second date with a girl, we went back to her house and we started getting busy and I was taking my pants off and then stopped because I didn’t know what to do with the limp silicone that had been sweating in my underwear all day. It was at that moment that I decided to throw my packies out and never be concerned with the lack of bulge in my skin tight jeans or the empty pouch in my boxer brief while I changed at the gym. I felt so liberated from my penis=man obsession that I even showered without fear at the gym. In fact, once when I was on tour and went to a strip club after the show, a stripper grabbed at my crotch only to find a handful of my missing member.
She questioned incredulously, “Where’s your dick?!”
I replied smugly, “I don’t have one.”
This is such an individual and subjective issue. We all have complex relationships to our own maleness and masculinity. Packing makes some of us feel sexy and whole, others awkward and incomplete. In no way am I saying that my feelings and experience are a universal truth, quite the opposite. I just wanted to briefly share about what is in my briefs. After all, most people are dying to know what’s in your pants?! I also interviewed some other dudes about their relationship to packing. Feel free to answer to leave your two sense and answer these questions in the comment area. Let’s try to unpack the issue a little, shall we?
I asked everyone the same questions:
Do you pack?
If so, why?
If not, why?
Any funny or awkward stories you care to share?
Do you identify with your “op/junk/family jewels?”
Oliver, 21 years old
I do pack, only as of recently.
I found that the longer I had undergone hormonal therapy, the more men would check to see if I had a package or not. I became hyper aware of the stare down, something that I find incredibly awkward. Most men, biological or not, tend to look me up and down. I suppose I’m a funny looking fellow anyways, but the second they see a bulge they always seem more relaxed.
My introduction into the world of packing was through my friend. He would only pack when going out dancing. I’d say ninety percent of the time he’d just leave his dick lying around his apartment. I’d come over, sit on his couch, feel something oddly squishy against me and it would be his packer. I was always so embarrassed that I’d immediately throw it as far away from myself as possible, trying to act calm as he’d ask what I was doing. He never found out about all the incidents where I had accidentally knocked it over into his sink of dishes, or the one time I left my flat iron on and it melted part of the tip. I kept my lips sealed and he still has no idea. As for my own packing, I came into an interesting situation where when I was buying my first soft packer, the store I went to only had obscenely large ones. I currently pack six inches soft, which doesn’t seem that big, but in pants I look ridiculous. I still haven’t purchased a smaller one because I kind of like the idea of choosing my own cock size. I’ve only had a few comments, most of them positive. I’m also 5’10, so it doesn’t look unfathomable.
As for identifying with my own biological self, I think that I might be different than others. I’ll definitely use more anatomically male terms to referring to myself. I feel no shame in telling people what I prefer, who I am or what I like. I guess I’m still young, so maybe my opinion will change.
Anon, 22 years old
Yes, I pack. I never really thought much of it until I tried it. It feels so different to have something there. To fill your pants with a bulge. I feel more confident especially because I wear skinny jeans. Awkward was when people who know you’re trans and of your past life notice a bulge, especially when you’re wearing really tight skinnies. Or when someone who knows you knows you accidentally swipes you there, and feels it.
I like my op, I’m proud of it. But my packer helps me feel more secure, in case anyone checks out my package or rubs up against it.
Maximus
I used to pack back before I was on t. I think it helped with the dysphoria back then. Once I had been on t for a while I stopped because I had started feeling like with all the physical changes it wasn’t helping anymore, especially when my junk started to get bigger because it would actually rub up against me in this really uncomfortable way that would just make me think of what my body was missing (for lack of a better word). I was also always really paranoid that it would fall out of my pants, even when it was really securely in there.
I guess if I had ever learned how to stand to pee, or was actually interested in figuring that out I might have been more inclined to pack so that I could use an stp, but that always made me worried that I would pee all over myself. At the same time that I was made acutely aware of my junk by the packer, I think that not using one allowed me to be more comfortable with my own body because it didn’t have to be on my mind constantly.
Men’s pants are build to have that little bit of extra room, and my pubic bone sticks out some, so nobody can tell that I am not packing. Anyhow, most of the time I don’t really want to encourage people to stare at my crotch, I get hit on enough by teenage girls as it is.
Anon, 21 years old
I pack sometimes.
If I pack, it’s usually because I’m feeling uncomfortable and packing makes it more bearable. Sometimes, I’ll pack because I’m going to an event, or a queer function.
If I don’t pack, it could be because I don’t feel like I’m “passing” as well. On the rare occasion, packing makes me dysphoric, because I know it’s not a “real” dick. But that’s really not common for me.
I had a homemade packer for a long time. It didn’t look like much, but it felt right and sat right, and I just liked it a lot. Sometimes, I’d wear it to work at this fast food place. One of these nights, it was busy, so I was running around and running the cash register and preparing food and serving and cleaning up. After about two hours of this, I get to slow down for a second. I realize that something feels…Weird. I look down, and realize what I’m feeling is a distinct lack of packer. Naturally, I freak out. My packer could be anywhere in the store at this point, and anyone could have seen it. I try to furtively look around the store for it, hoping no one will recognize what it is if they find it instead of me. Finally, I get fed up and tell my assistant manager, who was cool with me being trans but didn’t really understand it, that my packer is missing. He laughed, I was embarrassed, but he helped me look for it. We finally found it in the bathroom at the back of the store. It wasn’t as secure as it should have been and accidentally fell out when I was washing my hands. Oops.
Amos, 31 years old
I used to pack very early in my transition, when I was first starting T, probably for about three months. I think what happened was I read about packing on the inter-web via other peoples transitional websites and I thought that packing sounded like it could be fun! Also, I love a good accessory. A couple of times I remember being in a public restroom and having the packy fall out of my underware, making a loud “splat” sound echo through the bathroom as it hit the ground. In the end, it only took one excrutiatingly hot Brooklyn summer before I realized that I felt no connection to the mushy sweat ball I had willingly placed in my pants. I’ll never forget the day I shoved my hand down there, grabbed my packy and tossed it on the subway tracks right before the L train arrived. I love dramatic endings!
I do like my original plumbing, but I haven’t always felt that way. There was an amount of time where I was freaked out by my plumbing, and it really peaked around the time I started packing and ended when I stopped packing. When I was packing I started to alienate that body part I was born with. At that time, I felt I was not supposed to like my body and was supposed to want a different dick from the one I was already working with. I would really spin out over that! But I’m glad I tried packing, because it helped me relate better to my own body as soon as I realized that packing wasn’t for me.
Anon, 24 years old
I do not pack.
A few years ago I did for about a month straight, ironically before I actually identified as trans. I packed off and on for a while after that, but haven’t at all in the last 2 years or so (for some context, I changed my name 2 years ago and have been on t for a little over a year, had top surgery about 9 months ago). Technically speaking, I did some packing in elementary school, but I didn’t know the word packing yet.
The times when I have packed it was to ease some insecurity about not having a bulge in my pants where I felt I should have one.
I do not pack now because packing drastically increases my gender dysphoria (much like binding was much worse than going binder and bra free pre top surgery, even with DDs). The more gender accessories involved, the more aware I am of the dissonance between how I sense my body in my mind and how my body is actually shaped. Aside from just having to think about grabbing a fake dick in the morning (and therefore remembering that I don’t have a flesh and blood one of my own) I prefer not to pack because I don’t like having anything up against the genitals that I have. I’ve got what I think of as a “phantom penis”, and having something obviously in the spot where as far as my brain is concerned is where my penis is just seriously messes with my mind. It makes me feel kinda sick, like I’m watching my own arm being bent where it shouldn’t bend or something. It’s like something physically impossible is happening to my body, and it’s disturbing.
I do not identify with the junk I’ve actually got, and I try to ignore that part of my body as much as possible. I very much so identify with the junk that some instinctual part of my mind believes I have, and I try not to remember that I don’t actually have those parts as much as possible.
I wish I had a better awkward or funny story! But this is my favorite story that involves packing – A few years ago I was accessing services at a domestic violence shelter (a queer/all genders support group), and I was asked some demographic information. One of their questions was whether or not I identified as trans. I said no, but then took a quick mental inventory of myself – I was wearing all “men’s” clothes, had my hair cut short, was binding and packing. Later that week I told my therapist that I thought I might be trans.
Tuck, 30 years old
I never pack a softy because unless I can fuck with it, then I have no interest in it. The thought of shoving a gummy textured object down my pants that will cause a sweat-storm in my boxers sounds irritating at best. Also the fact that it will simultaneously give me panic attacks at my constant thoughts of it drifting away from my body and into the plain sight of an elderly woman on the sidewalk sounds traumatizing as well. This is not to say that having such a small friend in my pants has not, on rare occasions, caused me anxiety as well. It just wouldn’t cause me as much. I can only think of a handful of times when it was appropriate for someone to grab at my package outside my fuck den, and they all happened during an EMT course I took like seven years ago. During those moments with those young firefighter fellows and kindly nursing students, I would have preferred a heftier handful to offer.
That being said, as a young transfellow I often packed a MASSIVE beast of a hard cock and flopped around queer events with it in awkward attempts to woo people into my lair. This rarely panned out for me. It did, however, make me a target for looking like a pervert when I had to take the bus home. I found myself constantly fidgeting around so as not to show the mega tent I had permanently pitched, and by the time I got home, barely unscathed, my leather harness would always have dug red welts into my skin.
This is purely a personal opinion, and I understand the major benefits of packing for some people. They just don’t happen to override my severe and most likely senseless paranoia of enjoying a runaway cock.
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
I tried packing but honestly, it gets me WAY too aroused and I can’t take it. I’m 46 and only started T 2 and a half years ago. I guess I’m different in that I always wanted to be a boy, but never felt like I needed a penis. I still don’t. I have no problem fucking with a dildo, a strap-on or my hand. Whatever gets my partner going gets ME going.
I do think it’s cool to have a bulge in your pants sometimes, but honestly, for me, it’s more of an attention getting thing. Sometimes I like the looks I get, but other times the attention seems silly.
I think it’s cool to do what you feel is most comfortable and all of us being able to support one another, no matter how we feel about what’s in our pants, is fantastic.
What an awesome way to explain thisnow I know erveyhting!
When I was first transitioning, I packed most of the time. My cis-guy friend used to tease me about it, so once when my packer fell out, I threw it at him, and he squealed.
After about a year though, I got fed up with it. It was always migrating awkwardly, or looking funny, or making me feel uncomfortable. So I stopped.
And now, I ride a bicycle basically every day, so extra things in my crotch area are to be avoided.
I’ve never really felt insecure about my junk when I have clothes on; I have never noticed someone scoping out my crotch (which is not to say it hasn’t happened – I’m pretty clueless), so it’s not something that really worries me.
I am also outrageously lazy (something else to find in the morning? plus a harness if I’m wearing boxers? No thanks) and the STP I use is not packer-compatible (and the ones that are packer-compatible are not me-compatible).
Do you pack? Yes
If so, why?
If I do not I suffer anxiety attacks.
Any funny or awkward stories you care to share?
Hmmmm. I identify as an amputee. I feel my penis was chemically amputated in my mother’s uterus. I have had phantom limb syndrome most of my life. Pre transition I identified as a lesbian with penis envy. To say the least that always got some laughs. I did not transition until I was 44 years old. I am now 47. I was terrified of being trans as the lesbian community I belonged to was quite separatist and not very trans positive. In addition of the only two trans people I met was severely mentally ill and the other mean as a snake. I was scared I would become one or both. So I settled for years on the term “bigendered” until one day I was researching that word and could no longer live with the fact that was NOT either. SO I looked at transgender yet again, reluctantly. I happened across a video My Name is Malcolm. I bought it, It saved my life. I found myself in that movie. I am a gentle poet philosopher. I am not the typical man in most regards. I realized that I could retain my identity even with transition. It was a done deal. 3 months later I came out at work and started T. 1 year later chest surgery. What I have found interesting is how much MORE gentle I feel post T. I feel more poetic, more philosophical, more caring, more empathetic, more everything “female”.
I am single right now and have been for a year. Whenever I had sex I had to use a prosthetic device, I do not use the terms “dildo” or “packer” as that is not what they are to me. They are my prosthetic devices I use because my dick was amputated; I am as clear on this truth for myself as anything else. Like another respondent I try not to dwell on the fact God gave me a parenthesis as opposed to a dangling participle
It does cause me some significant depression, much like anyone (I suspect) would feel who has lost a body part. Thanks for posting your stories. I am grateful I was socialized female. I am even grateful I am trans. The world I experience, that we each as trans experience, is unique and important to the gender evolution our planet desperately needs.
Jackson
Do you identify with your “op/junk/family jewels?”
Hmmm… To pack or not to pack… As a femme who adores all ftm’s but loves only one, I have to vote to pack! There is just something so sexy about feeling that bulge come up behind you, or knowing when you are in public what the possibilities are beneath that bulge when he gets his hands on you.. Just a girlie girls prospective
I’d like to be simple, it is from your perspective, ma chere. I identify as being interested in and loving all trans masculine people, and currently female identity; and I do not feel as anyone is lacking if we do a mattress dance and they are not packing. three cheers for everyone who has responded, including the lovely femme above me. thank you.
I don’t pack too often.
Why?
1. You’re all right, it’s a hellish sweat storm, I’m lazy, and I don’t like single-function toys (I always had high tech dildos). I wear a mango sometimes, but I’m pre-op and haven’t been on T long enough for people to start looking at me weird
2. It does feel weird against my junk. I hate my op almost as much as my DDs, and because I’m a heavy guy, I’m pushing for surgery more than T. It’s bugging my therapist
Awkward story…
So a night I was packing and I brought a cute girl home with me, we started to fool around, and I muttered some excuse to go into my room and grab my strap-on, and then I took out my packy and started to strap on and she said “wait a sec!”
“shit” I thought.
She looks at the packy, then looks at me, and says, “I thought we were going to do something with it first.”
We both started laughing until we realized that we were too…anxious to finish what we’d started.
Fin.
As a butch who adores many FTMs but loves only one — packing is up to you, but partners can definitely get into it. For myself, I’ve enjoyed grinding against his bulge more than I ever thought I would. I’m not sure what he calls it though, because he’s firmly told me ‘it’s not a dick!” In bed sometimes we strap on, and other times we don’t.
Stepping on them in the dark isn’t very fun, but that’s more of a house cleaning issue than anything else
Well, my hubby used to pack but it got to be a real pain in the ass. We experimented, as I would sew a few creations to pack with, with various sizes and stuff. I would slice floppy phalluses and sew them on to an artificial scrotum made with fabric and filler. Some of the packers drew a bit too much attention and made him feel awkward and like I needed to fight off other women and queens.
He would feel sweaty and be bothered with where to put it when he had to use the bathroom. Once it fell down his leg. AWKWARD!
Finally he got over it. It never bothered me that he didn’t have an obvious bulge but really, who looks that hard, except crotch watchers? He got comfortable with not packing. As a matter of fact–it is liberating not to pack!
No one reads him as anything but a man and I know who he is. I don’t mind he doesn’t have a dick and he is fine with my not having a pussy. He wishes he had a real dick and that the phalloplasty was more perfect.
As a femme who packs religiously, I find this blog to be really interesting. I like the paradox of my high heels, pencil skirt, and huge packie that’s firmly wedged against my pubis. I just wish it came in different colors. Like leopard print.
lol, Love this ^.^
agreed, chere.
I wish more contradictions were possible for those who want to. thumbs up!
Great Post Rocco!
I don’t pack now, I can’t get over the sweaty smelly mess that happens when walking around with a silicone dick on my pubic mound all day. Plus, I actually get really uncomfortable if my bulge is TOO big. I don’t want to falsely advertise my goods, na mean?
I think what got me to stop was when I went to a queer dance party one summer and my packer got loose, fell down my pant leg and dropped on the floor next to me. To add insult to injury, I stepped on it mid dance move and proceeded to eat SHIT. Needless to say, I stopped packing after that.
And, it took a really really long time to become comfortable with what I have to offer (like many guys), but, I love all my dicks. Detachable and non-detachable. Every last one of them.
I’m wondering if any one else does, er, circumstantial packing? For example, I don’t usually pack on a daily basis, and like Tuck, have a recurring fear of traumatizing an old lady in a supermarket if it for some reason falls out in aisle 6. However, I really like to pack if I am in a suit or going to some kind of official meeting. Yes, I wear a dick when I ask for a raise. I’ve given up on the feminist analysis and just kind of accept it. It gives me confidence in that super male setting – just as I imagine men with really big dicks being less sheepish about asking for a raise I suppose.
Also, I’d like to propose, to any packy-makers that may be reading, that there needs to be one that is swimming-appropriate. The only other time I wore one on a regular basis was when I was on a swim team. There are no baggy shorts on a swim team and as happy as I am with my OP, I’m also not one for a speedo camel toe and a lot of awkward stares. From what I’ve seen (and that is alot) there are no bio-penises that are as big as a packy when they are in a cold swimming pool. So my only option was to appear EXTRAORDINARILY well hung in my tiny little speedos, or maybe just endowed with magical temperature resistant genes.
I do circumstantial packing, too! It’s only when I’m going into really cis-straight spaces. And occasionally when out dancing, but not usually. It’s not so much about identifying or not identifying with my body as it is a safety thing. I went to college in the south and got chased around by good ole boys on a fairly regular basis. I learned that if I bare my armpits and legs and pack, I pass pretty well and could get around town fairly safely. If I didn’t, and that last little visual cue was missing, that was when I got in trouble. Everyone loves Lady Chablis in the south, so being an effeminate fag wasn’t an issue. It was being androgynous that was the issue. Having moved back to the godless north, it’s less of an issue, so I almost never pack.
One time, though, I was taking a friend (a cis guy, straight-identified) to a queer dance (his idea). I did pack that night, and wore a tiny tank top, to show off my pancake flat chest. I hadn’t properly secured the packy (which was wrapped in a hanky to avoid the whole sweaty/sticky mess) and as I danced, I felt it begin to work itself loose. Blushing furiously, I realized there was no casual way to adjust the thing and save it. My only option was to dance harder, thus causing it to slip down my pant leg. When it reached my ankle, I casually bent over, as if to tie my shoe, and tucked it into my sock. Happily, it stayed securely in my sock all night.
On occasion, I do feel like I “should” pack at work. I’m out at work as a gay transman, and all of my coworkers pronoun me correctly, but I feel like I don’t fit their idea of what a transman is “supposed” to be. But packing, like using my male voice, requires thought, and I’m lazy. So they get a swishy, femmey, bulge-less queer sewing up a storm in the production area, and that doesn’t seem to be a problem.
I feel really comfortable with my original plumbing, except when it is pouring blood. So, since that’s once a month, I guess I’m at home in my skin for, what, about three quarters of the year? A few more thousand and I’ll get to be comfortable all year round, which is something I’m excited about.
Thank you for the great post! Having previously been surrounded by people with the mindset that if I don’t pack, I must not be trans (and can therefore be mispronouned at will), it’s really nice to know that there are other people who agree that going without doesn’t make me less.
Note: Not everyone in the south is close-minded, just like not everyone in the north is open-minded. But I do have less trouble here in Portland than I did in Savannah.
I’m pre-T and I pack most days, but coincidentally, I did not pack today, so I got home and read this post and thought, “well, that’s something…” I do like the way the packer looks and it helps me to feel more confident. On the other hand, I could imagine myself not packing when I’m on T and have that confidence for different reasons. Today… well, I was coming out to my mother so I thought I’d save face and leave my junk at home.
I pack 24/7 because I feel “naked” without it otherwise. I have a Mango that I wear with a velcro pouch and jock strap when I’m at home. I have a Whiz STP from Stand To Urimate that I wear anytime I go out and about. I was fine sitting to pee until I was offerred a free Whiz STP from Stand To Urimate. I thought “why not?” and had him send me one. Now I’m back to where I have to stand to pee and hate it when I have to sit because of my IBS or fear of peeing on myself. I have been on T for 3 years and feel like my packer is like a amputee having an artificial limb. I know I have gotten past that awkward stage in transitioning where people look at your face first, chest second, and crotch third when trying to figure out what gender you are but in my head I’m still there. I don’t bind but I wear either a small tank top or compression shirt when going out because I still feel like my moobs are noticeable. I have not had any surgeries but am small enough it doesn’t really matter. I just wish I had male-sized nipples!! I am happily celibate so I’ve not had any experience (other than pre-transition) with using a strap-on. My ex and I did use a strap-on at times and I did love the feel of it as it made me feel like a man but it was so exhausting as it took her a lot longer to “get there” than it did me!! It always ended in hurt feelings and a fight so we just stopped after awhile.
I do pack. In fact, when I figured out that I was trans, it was the first thing I did, even before I cut off my long hair & ditched my purse. I cried when I got my first packer & saw myself in the mirror, finally feeling whole for the first time in my life. I don’t pack for other people’s expectations. I do it strictly for me. When I first started, I was terrified that other people would see it, so I made damned sure that my pants were baggy enough to hide it.
I see my packer as my prosthetic. In my mind, I had a dick that was amputated before I was born. Just like an amputee, I have nerves already in place, so my packer has feeling when it is in its place. It becomes my dick when it is in my pants. Yes, I know that I have my OP. I enjoy my OP very much, but I continue to wear my packer.
As for an awful story, I was at work one day already feeling like crap because my sister had called me an “It” the day before when my packer fell out. I picked it up & put it in my pocket, hoping that the woman I was working with didn’t see anything. I don’t think she did, but I’m damned sure not going to ask her. I kind of freaked out until I get to the bathroom to put it back in its place. Actually I was still freaked out. When I asked a friend what I should do, she told me to go home, so I left work & after going to a very dark place, I ended up at my best friend’s home, where she helped me through.
After that, I started sewing up my briefs a little better to hold my packer in place. To this day, I don’t wear a harness. I just mostly sew up the pocket in briefs that you would use to pull your dick out. It works really well. I have a physical job, and I haven’t had a packer fall out of place since I did that.
i love you friend. thanks for another well written insight into your heart, soul, and pants.
I pack when outside the home, but usually as soon as I’m in the door I pull it out and rip off my binder. Simply because they annoy the shit out of me, but in the outside world I am far too paranoid to go without.
The only awkward experiences I’ve had is when my briefs aren’t quite tight enough, and I’ve been being a bit more active (notably running after a bus) and my packie re-arranges itself. I joke that it’s trying to fuck me to my mates, but it is very uncomfortable having it turn on you hahaha.
For the most part I like having it there, my pants were designed to be filled in that way. I also feel more secure in myself having my cock there.
I guess I can see myself one day not caring much for it, but for now as far as the public goes, it will always be present.
Do you pack?
Yes, I do. Only when out. I tend to take it out when at home as I usually change into jog bottoms when I am home.
If so, why?
I like the feeling. It does make me feel more male. I think I would feel naked if I didn’t. Haven’t as yet packed for swimming as swim shorts are really baggy. However, it is something I may do in the future. My packer isn’t massive. It is understated I would say. I rally couldn’t walk around with a massive erection or lump! I don’t want to attract attention to it, but I want to know if someone did look that they wouldn’t make a second glance in a….’oh my god that’s huge’ way or a ‘where’s his dick’ way!!!
Do you identify with your “op/junk/family jewels?”
I am okay with them. Although I am feeling less and less like having penetrative sex. Even on my own. I don’t know why. Something is changing in me and I feel less interested in sex. I did wonder if it was feeling dissatisfied with strapping on. It’s sometimes such a hassle. Would be good to just have a phallo. I don’t feel I can go that way though. I found the chest op debilitating enough.
like most everyone else i packed pre or early in my transition. 11 years later its circumstantial. some years ago i found my, then 2 year old twins playing tug o war with my packy and decided at that point i could no longer take myself seriously. the relationship im having to my body at any given time determines the relationship i have to prosthetic phallus’s. most of the time i am anxious about a runaway dick, or mostly too lazy and irritable to deal.
right as i was coming out as trans it felt very important for me to amp up my masculinity so i packed everyday. i also felt the pressure of my trans masculine peers to subscribe to this very staunch set of rules. once i felt secure in my own manhood packing became something of an afterthought. i got tired of figuring out how to make myself comfortable around something that just reminded me what i was lacking.
as for sex, i strap 50 percent of the time. i am not dating or single, ive been with the same person pre and post my transition, and 3 kids later sometimes there is not time to buckle up.
I haven’t really experienced the dysphoria some of you have described associate with packing, but I definitely have felt dysphoric because I was not packing. However, for convenience’s sake, I usually only pack on special occasions (parties or other social/romantic situations) or if I’m feeling especially dysphoric.
I love that you created this amazing dialogue Rocco, thank you!
I do pack, and have almost daily for over 10 years. I love that little bulge in my briefs. I imagine that, during my beginning stages of transition, my bulge helped me feel a little more confident in my masculinity… or at least in the perception of it. Now, its just routine to slip that little softie into the pouch of my briefs. I also am super into my original bits and I am just as comfortable cruising around commando. My packer has never felt like a replacement or a cover-up for my originals, just an added bonus. For whatever reason, I have never thought about what other guys have in their pants so I am really enjoying reading people’s experiences.
Thanks!
I pack about 60% of the time. I wear an apron over my pants at work, so I almost never pack there. If I’m wearing bottoms with a bulky zipper, then I don’t. But if I’m doing something active or wearing nicer clothes then I almost always pack. I used to pack when I sleep, but it’s pretty rare now. Sometimes I pack when I cuddle, but it usually tapers off the longer I get in a relationship. I’ve been on T for three years now. Earlier in my transition, I used to pack all of time.
I have three packers, two soft packs and a Mr. Softy. I used to wear the soft packs more often because I was self-concious of how big the Mr. Softy was. But I felt that the soft packs stuck to my OP in an uncomfortable way. Mr. Softy lets me breath more. Sometimes I laugh because my packer is upside down or sideways. That’s really awkward to try to fix. I try to ignore my OP, for the most part.
Can anybody speak to packing and biking? Is it a non-issue and is just the same as packing any other time?
Do you pack?
Occasionally. I just started doing it recently.
If so, why?
Mainly out of paranoia, I’m pretty recently out and have a hell of a time finding men’s jeans that fit me right, so 90% of my pants are still girl’s pants. Which doesn’t bug me, since I have no hips they’ve always fit me comfortably, but I always get worried that my crotch will get odd stares when I’ve got facial hair and a deep-as-hell voice.
Since I’m moneyless/jobless, I’m using socks (I know, I know, ridicule away) until I can afford an actual packer. I think. I don’t know, I feel like it might make me feel even more ridiculous, that was my original fear on the entire idea of packing but the first time I did it it just felt “normal” to me, so maybe a packer would to. IDFK.
Any funny or awkward stories you care to share?
My boyfriend occasionally likes to jokingly pile all the socks away from me when we’re doing laundry, asking them “How the trip down south was”.
Do you identify with your “op/junk/family jewels?”
No, it’s pretty hard to identify with a rolled up sock.
I pack, all the time. This was a problem when I had a more porous packer, it got nasssty, but the silicone one has none of those problems. I only really take it off in the shower, or at night when I want to sleep skivvi-less. I’ve even packed when going commando…not easy, I usually end up making a makeshift harness until my briefs have been laundered.
I like the feeling it creates; I prefer tight undies and tight-ish jeans. I’ve gone a few days without packing, and it just feels eerie to me, I’m used to it being there; used to it rubbing in good ways, and used to it getting bumped in bad ways. I think it looks cute, it’s visually satisfying. But, yeah, when I’ve doffed all my other lower garments, I don’t really care about the lack of the dangle.
I identify pretty strongly with my op, I dig it. I dig the ways my junk and my packer complement each other, and very easily assist each other.
I don’t have many awkward/funny stories; though in one of my periods of not being able to do laundry, I was commando-packing while out dumpster diving, but the jeans weren’t tight enough and the packer kept flipping backwards and upside down, which felt weird and then it would shift far, far too low. Picture a little effete, scrappy queer kid rummaging through garbage bags and then trying to hide against walls to “adjust” on some cold NYC spring night. Haha…awkward.
I pack when I’m out of the house, but tend to take it out of my pants when I get home and get changed. I’ve been packing for about 2 and a half years, and I pack with socks. I’ve never had a problem with my op, and have actually felt more positive about it since starting T about 2 years ago. There are a couple of junk-type things (being able to pee wherever I needed to, for one!) my life would be easier if my op could accommodate, but I wouldn’t consider surgery.
I didn’t think about packing beyond ‘Why would I want to pretend there was something there that’s not? Isn’t that false advertising? What would I do with it when we started getting down to it? doesn’t it get all gross and sweaty?’ until I first slept with a binary-identified, medically transitioning, transguy; all the boys I’d had sex or relationships with before that had been pretty gender-fluid, and I and they were also all pre-T. Interestingly I started thinking about it because he was telling me about how he’d taken the ‘radical’ step of stopping packing as part of realising a more genderqueer identity, and mentioned the ‘face – chest – crotch’ check that he felt all men carried out on him. I hadn’t immediately realised he was trans when we met, so I doubted this, but as someone who didn’t pass 100% of the time at the time, and whose job routinely involved me outing myself, it started me wondering.
I wear my jeans and suit-trousers slim-cut, and feel like they fit and look better with a bit of a bulge in my boxer-briefs (and T-affected narrower hips), the same as how my t-shirts and shirts look better post-surgery, I guess it’s mostly vanity. My partner mostly likes to joke about, poke and squeeze the bulge, I don’t think it matters to her either way whether I pack; as someone else mentioned, though, she often makes jokes about which socks are my ‘cock socks’ (they’re old pairs, which happen to say “hello sailor” on them…)
A friend of mine does a stand-up act about growing up, transition and periods (his name is Jason Barker and he’s also an animator and hilarous), and he has this one sketch about using socks so that if you were ever to drop them while getting changed after swimming and have them role out of the cubicle, it wouldn’t be embarassing; he stands on stage and drops a dildo, a soft-packer and a pair of socks out of the leg of his swim-shorts to demonstrate. I’d seen the sketch before I started packing, so it was the obvious solution for me. Months later, my partner saw the sketch, I elbowed her and muttered something to suggest that that was what I did, which resulted in her finding the sketch much funnier than anyone else around us. After that I didn’t have to try and find a way to slip the socks out of my shorts without her seeing any more. I don’t like the idea of a chunk of silicone in my pants for comfort reasons or because I’m pretty happy with my lot and feel like it’s kinda unnecessary for me to ‘fake it’, I also find penises pretty ugly, so wouldn’t want to look at one every time I pulled my pants down.
I’m 11 years post-transition and I still pack most of the time. This is partly because I’ve mastered what I need to do to keep it in place as I do what needs to be done. I always pack for work because I don’t quite feel dressed without it and I pack for exercise because my exercise clothes are tight-ish and I feel self-conscious without it.
Conversely, if I’m cruising or for some reason thinking I’m going to get into a guy’s pants, I leave the packer at home because I don’t want to engage in false advertising, plus it gets in the way.
I don’t pack. I am 48 years old and transitioned 30 years ago. In my 20′s i tried packing for a while with the help and support of my then partner. But first of all it felt too sweaty and secondly i felt rather uncomfortable when someone would look me up and down. Later on, during a period of time when i was single i reconsidered wearing a packer to feel a bit more self confident, but i realized that then even more so than before i would feel as if i would be making false promises. My current wife is fine with me not packing and me not having a bulge. As for my OP: i had a metaidoioplasty a few years ago when i already had met my wife online but not in real life yet. I had the feeling that my OP always frustated me in my sexual relationships and i can honestly say that having gotten rid of my OP and having a cock, even though it is tiny, makes me feel a lot more content with my body. Of course we can’t fuck the way we would want, but for now i am using my hands which works for us and eventually i will use a strap-on because we both feel the need to simulate the intercourse a woman and a naturally born man would have.
I don’t pack often because a) the bulge just doesn’t look natural b) I worry that it might fall on the floor at work or while talking to the cute girl on the subway c) if it’s not exactly in the right place, it looks like a hard-on. Yeah, good morning boss!
But, I do think that if the phallus prosthetic industry treated the penis a bit more like any other prosthetic; that is, a serious body part that requires a medical grade prosthetic, that functions and feels realistic, then I would likely take advantage of it. Like, my insurance company will cover thousand dollar orthotics in my shoes, or a prosthetic arm if I needed one with a computerized neuro-implant hand, but the technology available for the detachable penis is just arcane! Strap-ons still look like some kind of mid-evil torture device (ok for the S&M community, but the rest of us?), lacking a foreskin, acceptable means of attachment, or the cum function; STPs… where do I start? A baby bottle nipple or a medicine spoon…Really??? And packers are still manufactured like toys, not prosthetics. Drug companies’ highest earnings are in erectile optimization drugs… (hundreds of billions!) you would think that it might be worth someone’s effort to develop a sophisticated and highly functional prosthetic penis (bonus points if you add the neuro-implant)!
I’m on here because I bought my first packer today! I’m femme and it was a pretty sudden decision to get one. As soon as I got out of the store I shoved it in my underwear and walked home – I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face!
I’m getting a harness soon so I can wear it when I want to. And oh will I want to! 
Do you pack?
Not anymore – I packed all the time in the beginning of my process (Started on T 2004)
If not, why?
I got tired of biking, rollerblading, playing basket with something hanging between my legs and I was scared it would fall out!
Besides, in the summer its too sweaty to wear it.
Any funny or awkward stories you care to share?
One summer I played baskedball with other students in Copenhagen – outdoors. Suddenly my packer un-hooked and dropped down by my shoe. Quickly as H*ll, I picked it up and ran towards the toilet. No-one noticed…I think!
I swim a lot in indoor pools (the only thing to do in Cold Scandinavia in the Winter) I shower naked with the other men – but in a separat booth.
I can’t pack when I’m swimming (it’ll fall out in the water). It took some time getting comfortable, but now I dont feel different or uncomfortable among the other men. I wear my semi-tight turquoise swimpants and love to swim.
Thank You
Kind regards
Alexander Turtle of Scandinavia
Do you identify with your “op/junk/family jewels?”
At 24, I’ve been packing for almost 2 years. That being said, I have only ever used socks, as I do not own/know where to find a good fake. While my package does “migrate” during the day, it’s not that bad, and I feel a hell of a lot less secure if I don’t have it. The only problem is that I work with little kids (I’m an elementary teacher), and I have to be hyper vigilant about what I do/look like when I’m at work.
I used to pack much more often than I do now. When I first came out as trans I wasn’t passing very frequently and having as many things that made me feel “male” as possible helped with my dysphoria. As I became more confident in my trans identity and now have started hormone therapy, I find that I need to pack less often to feel masculine. Finally, my body is doing that on its own! Part of this progression toward packing less had to do with me working through the notion that there is only one way to be a man (having a penis, being hyper-masculine, etc). Once I moved beyond that, I was able to feel comfortable not having a bulge all the time. I still pack occasionally, but it’s to make myself feel sexy (I think of it like lingerie) much more than “male”.
I don’t pack. I have never felt like people were assessing my crotch for a bulge and packing gets in the way of me feeling free. I feel like people look at me and see a man and will just assume that I have a penis. I was very androgenous before transition and what I had in my pants was always up for public debate at work or wherever. Since transition I feel like I have some privacy that I never felt before. What is in my pants is finally my own business. It feels really good to not have a penis and not have anyone need to know about it. I have been enjoying my body as is and am feeling really good about it. I am a man without a dick and that feels like the best kind of man to be for me.
I use to pack when I first came out cause it made me feel manly to reach down and grab something but then after doing drag and actually having facial hair on and chest bound I felt more like a man then having a rolled up sock in my pants. I do have a funny story granted wasn’t funny for me at the time but now I look back and laugh about it, but I was performing in a drag show and for some reason though I could get away with using a sports cup in my boxers well it didn’t stay in place. Imagine lip singing and dancing around while your package at anytime can fall out and then I realized people aren’t paying attention to whether I have a huge bulge in my pants.
I don’t fully ID as a transman yet but I am gq. I only started using Lee as my first name a couple months ago. But I do pack fairly often it started just around the house because I was nervous about people noticing, but I do wear it in public fairly often. Right now I have the Mr. Right that an ex bought for me years ago when I only packed at home. It is small enough not to be noticed but makes me feel complete. Aran mentioned the phantom penis and that when he has it in his pants it feels real. I am the same way, with strapons too I swear they are attched. I do hate the sweaty feeling I originally had a homemade gak pack with hair gel balls I LOVED that thing because it warmed to body temp and hung and felt natural (guess I need to make a new one).
I have a spareparts harness now that I feel 100% confortable packing hard in and for soft i use the strap that came with my packer or I tuck it into the pouch of my jockstrap or harness.
Funny/awkward moment packing hard with a fairly large cock had it tucked up under one of the straps of my harness. I was dancing at the lesbian bar with my then gf when the strap holding it let go suddenly I had an awkward hanging raging boner. No harm done though we just left early when she learned my secret
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